It may not be funny now but…

A tropical fruit called Caimito

As you all know I recently traveled to Nicaragua! I’ve been going to Nicaragua ever since I can remember. I’m so fortunate to have a mom that is born and raised there. The last time I visited I was also recovering from another injury, so it seemed fitting to go this time. The weather is wonderful. The landscape is beautiful. And of course the food is fresh and tropical. For the bulk of my 6 night stay I ate good food, slept a lot, and just slowed down.

Mamita’s entrance

For the last two days, my mom and I went to a small resort an hour west of Managua called Montelimar. I needed to see the beach at least once! We had lunch and dinner buffet style, in their outdoor restaurant. While I was filling my plate I stupidly gave myself a serving of a raw vegetable salad. Now, when you travel to a country like Nicaragua, you should know NOT to drink the water or eat raw vegetables because they have been rinsed WITH the water. Well I was obviously hungry and didn’t think. About an hour after eating dinner I was curled up in the fetal position, shaking uncontrollably from the chills caused by the fever I had and my body was trying to get rid of anything and everything using the southern exit of my body, if you get what I’m sayin. My last day in Nicaragua was spent in bed trying to eat just one banana and some crackers and drinking coke. I was able to muster up all the strength I had to take a shower.

 

Giant Papaya at the market

Mom having fruit for breakfast

The next morning at 8am was my flight out of Nicaragua and on to Los Angeles, with a layover in Houston. I was on my way to surprise my boyfriend for his birthday! And I was sick as a dog. Once I deplaned in Houston I was super thirsty and chugged a whole water bottle. Bad idea. Ten minutes later I’m waiting in baggage claim for my bag and all of a sudden I get that feeling. Everyone knows it. It’s the one you get in your mouth before you’re about to blow some chunks. I immediately search for a bathroom and see it way far away in the corner. And of course it’s not like I could run with my big ass boot on my left foot! So half way to the bathroom I can’t hold it any longer and clear liquid lands all over the ground. “Awesome” was the first word to come to my mind. I stopped and turned around to see if anyone saw or was coming to clean it up, didn’t really seem like it.  I decided not to care and kept making it for the bathroom and arrived in time for round 2. It was all water that was coming out of me at this point. After sitting in the bathroom stall for ten minutes, trying to pull myself together, I headed back to baggage claim and picked up my bag. Next stop was security. As I made my way over, walking slowly and wobbly, so many people stared at me. I definitely wasn’t looking my best at this point. And of the course the security line is obscenely long, just rows and rows of parallel black ropes, funneling everyone into 5 different lanes. I was coming to the finish line, maybe four people ahead of me before we split off into the 5 lanes, and I get that feeling again. Luckily up ahead there was a trash can, thank god. I tapped the man in front of me on the shoulder and asked “Can I use this trashcan?!” I basically pushed him out of the way and grabbed the trash, pulled it out of the way of anyone, bent over and tried to get rid of anything else in me. This was definitely not my finest moment. There was a sweet woman that came over to me and slipped me a little packet of kleenex. She didn’t say anything nor did she need to.

Hector. The talking bird of the house.

 

Thankfully this was the last time I heaved ho. I began to feel better as soon as I touched down into LA and my friend Kalin picked me up. We got me some soup and gatorade and I was back in no time. It was perfect timing for the surprise I had planned! Brandon was shocked to see me! Experiences like these can be so terrible but I made it out alive and now I’ve got this awesome story to tell!

 

Surprise!

I’ve found myself traveling once again! I just can’t seem to stop. It’s probably the Sagittarius in me. This time though I’ve headed south to Managua, Nicaragua! Believe it or not I am actually half Nicaraguan, even though I’m so pale you can almost see through me. I’ll be spending about 5 full days here with my mom and grandma. We’ll be getting into an assortment things… Shopping at markets, attending my mom’s friend’s birthday party in which I will be paraded around being shown off like a trophy, hitting the beach 🌊☀️🏄, and eating some tasty Nicaraguan food!
I’m planning to use these couple of days to really relax, soak in the sun and heat, and read/write a ton! On to the market for now!

Managua from the plane in!

Puzzle Pieces.

CREATIVITY. What does it mean? What does it say? How can you use it? I’ve been contemplating these thoughts for some time now. Not intentionally though, it seems to keep coming back to me without choice really. Through this contemplation I’ve come to my own conclusion that life is a series of memories strung together. A series of memories that you CREATE in your mind. Everyone has a different reality, a different way of perceiving the world. For me, once you actually understand this concept and really given in to it, then you can start to create your memories on your own terms, your own way. I mean it is after all YOUR life right? You can take your surroundings and interpret them however you want to interpret them. It is completely all up to you to create your memories, your life. You can choose to have a great life. Whatever that means to you. Maybe the hard part is figuring out what it is that makes you happy?

You’re going to have ups and downs, constantly coming to smack you in the face your ENTIRE life. How could it be possible to make it through a long lived, fulfilled life without EVER experiencing a life changing experience. I think no matter who you are. I mean think about it, when do you hear someone say “Nope. I never broke an arm or ever had to move from one house to another or have been in a bad break up?” I would be shocked. I am starting to realize that once you take on these challenges one after another with your best fight it’ll turn out to be a new and incredible experience in which you come out of with so much new knowledge and hopefully some newly learned skills. That, is how you would create your life. You’re putting the puzzle pieces together, hopefully they are all strong, positive, wonderful ones that eventually connect to make one amazing picture.

I’ve done a ton of thinking lately. Maybe not thinking, I like to call it “brainstorming” now, I think it’s a little more appropriate. It feels like I’m plotting some big scheme that leads to a big prize. Trying to piece the right puzzle pieces together and hoping to get the right picture. It’s kinda fun that’s for sure, but it also has a negative side. It’s scary if I think too hard about it and kinda risky too. Taking a leap of faith on a plan put together by yourself not knowing for sure if it will ever come true. But that’s the beauty in it right? When do you ever know if anything you hope, wish, dream, or attempt will actually happen as planned? You don’t, no one does. But if you rise to the challenge and do your best you are bound to get something great out of it. You’ve gotta trust yourself that’s all. Trust that you can make it out alive and be successful too!

So as I’m beginning the last third of my recovery I’m trying to have everything figured out. I need to have my plan set and ready to execute and those puzzle pieces gotta be in order! But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’ve got some fear and doubt in there as well. I’m asking myself things like what’s going to happen? Is this the right choice and plan? Am I going to be successful and happy? Maybe I should just go back to what I know and am comfortable with? All of that is so normal though. I have asked those same questions countless times in the past when I’ve been in a very similar situation. But, just like every other plan that I’ve pieced together, I know this plan is only going to expand my knowledge and experience. It’s only going to bring me new opportunities, new friends, and new skills! I’m ready. And once this 5th metatarsal is too I’ll hit the ground running!!!

A Lovely Coincidence

Me, 4 days after breaking my foot, in Copenhagen, Denmark.

 

I had done everything right . I had planned my entire trip to the tee. I was able  to find enough friends of friends to welcome me for free into their home, I was in contact with  9 different companies about my arrival and departure dates, and I had saved plenty of money to allow me to travel for 6 weeks total. I was going to get a contract you guys, the timing was right, I knew it, no doubt in my mind. I was constantly giving myself pep talks. “You got this,” “You’re a great dancer,” “You deserve a job,” “Just enjoy every. Single. Moment.” Not only was I so ready to get this job, I also wanted it. I wanted it for myself more than anything else. It was going to be the next step for me. I belonged in Europe.

I felt so defeated once I boarded the plane that was bringing me home. I just sat there, not wanting to talk or look at anyone, (which a lot of you may know is sooooo not me.) I felt empty and drained. It was all becoming real for me in that moment. It wasn’t some cruel joke that the universe was playing on me and it certainly wasn’t a nightmare that I could just  wake up from. It was real life, it was my life. It was as if I was sitting on the ledge of a dunk tank and someone nailed the target. Instant defeat. I quickly realized these negative emotions would only slow down my recovery but  I definitely  couldn’t just bottle them up. So I did what I always do when I feel like shit and I wrote it all out in my journal. It all had to go, like a poison that my body needed to get rid of as fast as possible. From that moment on I told myself I could only be thinking positive things about this whole experience. I knew that all of this was only going to make me stronger and I kept reminding myself over and over that everything happens for a reason. There had to be a light at the end of the tunnel!

Once I arrived into Austin things weren’t as easy and happy-go-lucky like I thought they would be. Being back with my family was nice and all but it only reminded me of all the negative feelings I felt while I was on the plane. Unfortunately, since I am so close with my family, they became my target at times for my anger. I found myself feeling frustrated and pissed off at them when they were only helping me and supporting me. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I should be in Europe right now, getting the job of my dreams. I knew what I was doing though and had to  cut it out. If I’ve learned anything by now it’s that negative feelings about anything just aren’t worth anyone’s time. They only bring you down and don’t really exist.

About  four days into being back home, adjusting to my new life and having one lovely coincidence after another with some of my oldest and dearest friends, some I hadn’t seen in years and just happened to be in Austin at the same time as me, I was starting to feel more like myself. And as the days went on I relaxed more and more into my new routine of swimming three times a week, physical therapy two times a week, sitting outside on my parents patio with a hot cup of coffee, playing with my four nieces, hanging out with my parents and siblings, chilling with some old and new friends, and enjoying the beautiful sunshine that floods Austin, I am realizing how happy I am! How breaking my foot may have been the best thing for me at this point in my life. It forced me to stop for a second and realize why I do what I do and love who I love and am who I am. It’s strengthening me. I can feel myself evolving and growing everyday. I guess it’s true after all.. you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need! Thanks Rolling Stones.

 

Here are a couple of photos of some of the lovely coincidences that I have had the joy of experiencing since breaking my foot 🙂

Holly Curran. Great friend since 2008. We shared Bloody Mary’s of course.

Johnathan Merkle and Samantha Merkle. Siblings and my friends since 1999.

Edward McPherson. Great friend since 2008.

Emilie Leriche. Great friend and amazing, beautiful dancer.

Johnny McMillan and Emilie Leriche. Constant inspiration since 2011.

Samantha Canedy. One of my best friends since 2004

Brandon Guerra. Incredibly talented musician since 1989. Friends since middle school.

Aurijus, Agne, and Nathan. The incredible people who I couch-surfed with who took amazing care of me after breaking my foot.

 

A roller coaster called Life.

Things have been absolutely bonkers in my life right now. I’ve experienced some new things that I have never even imagined. It seems as if life is playing some sort of cute joke on me, like it’s saying “haha gotcha!!!!”

Starting in September I made a plan. It was a great plan and was only going to lead me to success. I was to set out on a 3 month adventure that was going to include old friends, family, dancing, performing, traveling, and best of all… EUROPE. So I began to work my ass off in Chicago to make the money to get things going. I worked two restaurant jobs and did gig after gig getting paid to dress up as a cool character and walk around/perform at fun events and parties. Not too shabby eh? Once November rolled around it was time to set out on this extraordinary trip. I spent 6 weeks dancing as a snowflake, flower and party mom in Les Grands Ballets Canadiens de Montreal’s production of “Casse Noisette” aka, The Nutcracker. Then it was back home for a week with family before the next destination that was EUROPE. Left for EUROPE on January 7. It was time to get a job you guys, that was the entire purpose of my trip. I had set up about 8 auditions each in a different city all within 6 weeks. It was going to be epic, I could feel it!!

This is where things REALLY take off. I’ve been in Europe now for a tad over two weeks, I’m in Copenhagen, Denmark, and almost finished with my second of 8 auditions with Danish Dance Theater. I’m showing my solo, 2nd to last to go of about 30 other dancers, who mind you are all in the room watching me as well, along with some of the company dancers and the director and rehearsal director. So I had quite a mini audience. Half way through the solo I have no idea what happened but I somehow landed on the side of my left foot and before realizing it I heard a pop. Everyone winced as they saw it and I thought, “Shit, what just happened?” Finished the solo, cause I’m a champ, and was immediately propped up with an ice wrap. Took a taxi to where I was staying, which was with people I had only met for the first time the night before. Haha it’s still so crazy to me that I had just met them and here I am coming home unable to walk! Of course at this point I’m in shock. I’m asking myself questions like do I go to the doctor? Do I just wait and rest it and see how it feels after a week? Maybe I’ll be able to dance and finish some of the auditions? It would be ok to miss a couple I guess. Am I finished? I’m going to have to go home aren’t I? Am I dreaming? Is this foreeeeever??

My first thought was to call my dad, he would know what to do and could help me of course. He called our insurance to find out how we would be covered for an emergency abroad. Found out that we would be ok and that I should go to the ER now. So off to the ER I was. Now the only other time I have ever been to the ER was when I was maybe in first grade. I was doing flips on the monkey bar, duh, and smacked heads with another kid. But I have never been for an emergency like this and I can’t believe the one time that I need to go I am alone in Copenhagen, Denmark. Crazy!!
Once I got to the ER I had an xray and the danish doctor in his cool accent said “It’s a fracture! But I don’t think we need to operate.” Excuse me??? You don’t need to operate? Well hell ya, you better not be cutting this foot open!! And just like that it was time to go home in a big ass boot and crutches. Back to the US, Austin to be exact, to be with family and just recover for 6 weeks. No more possibility of living and dancing in Europe by the summer of 2015. Just. Like. That.

And so, I begin my recovery process here in the beautiful Austin, Texas. And I have decided to document it through this here blog. I want to share. I want to share this experience because I can feel that it is going to be a really incredible, amazing, and beautiful ride on this roller coaster named LIFE.